Showing posts with label Funny Thing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Thing. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Open Letter for ALL BABIES Around the World



AWAKE TRAINING FOR PARENTS


Dear Fellow Babies,


OK, here’s my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 5 months. The first few months were great – I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, around the clock. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse.

I’ve talked to other babies, and it seems like its pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 5-6 months. Here’s the thing: these Mommies don’t really need to sleep. It’s just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep – they just don’t need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle.


It goes like this:



Night 1 – cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it’s hard. It’s hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it’s for her own good.

Night 2 – cry every 2 hours until you get fed.
Night 3 – every hour.


Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don’t give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I know it’s hard! But she really does not need the sleep; she is just resisting the change.. If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.



The other night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with:



-My sleep sack tickled my foot.

-I felt a wrinkle under the sheet.
-My mobile made a shadow on the wall.
-I burped, and it tasted like rice cereal. I hadn’t eaten rice cereal since breakfast, what’s up with that?
-The dog said “ruff”. I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL.
-Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room.
-Too hot, too cold, just right – doesn’t matter! Keep crying!!
-I had drooled so much my sheets were damp and I didn’t like it touching me.
-I decided I was sick of all the pink in my room so I cried.


It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies’ internal clocks.

Sometimes my Mommy will call for reinforcements by sending in Daddy. Don’t worry Daddies are not set up for not needing sleep the way Mommies are. They can only handle a few pats and shhing before they declare defeat and send in the Mommy.


Also, be wary of the sleep sheep with rain noises. I like to give Mommy false hope that listening to the rain puts me to sleep sometimes I pretend to close my eyes and be asleep and then wait until I know Mommy is settling back to sleep to spring a surprise cry attack. If she doesn’t get to me fast enough I follow up with my fake cough and gag noise that always has her running to the crib. At some point I am positive she will start to realize that she really doesn’t really need sleep.



P.S. Don’t let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out.

Trust me.


Sincerely,

Baby J


Source: Unknown (If you know, let me know)



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sumpah kelakar. dan sumpah jugak ini adalah benar, tiada yg benar melainkan benar2 sahaja.


dem! kecik2 dah pandai complot ehhh!!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The 12 Worst Things Ever Said to a New Mom

source: here

“I can’t believe you’re not breastfeeding! How can you do that to your baby?”
What to say back: “Not that it’s any of your business, but I had a really hard time breastfeeding. And, by the way, how I feed my baby is a personal choice -- don’t judge me for it.”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: aku pun dlu minum susu lembu gak, sihat, besar, belajar tinggi gak. ape kalo  bf, anak confirm nnti besar jadik pandai, jadik org besar? abes anak ko yg merempit tu kejadah?

“Here, let me do it. You’re not doing it right.”
What to say back: “I know you’re just trying to help, but I’d rather get constructive criticism than just plain criticism.”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: anak aku, sukati aku la nk wat camne. kalo ko nk wat camtu, beranak la sndrik!

“You don’t need to breastfeed her every time she cries. You’re going to spoil her!”
What to say back: “I didn’t know that feeding my child was spoiling her.”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: abestu kalo die nangis ko nk pujuk? setiap kali nangis aku anta kat kau je la senang!

“‘He looks just like his daddy!’ I swear if I hear that one more time….”
What to say back: “Yep, it’s true, I wasn’t having an affair.”
 What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: dah tu, takkan la ikut muke kau pulak?

“You think you’re tired now? You have months of sleepless nights ahead of you.”
What to say back: “And I can’t wait!”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: so? kalo aku tak tido pun, ade aku ketuk pintu umah ko suh ko jaga anak aku?

“Your baby’s huge…what are you feeding her?”
What to say back: “Your leftovers.” (Okay, we wouldn’t really say this, but we might think it.)
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: susu la weh, dia br 3bulan. takkan aku bagi makan kari plak kot?

My son never cries.”
What to say back: “I guess you’re just very lucky.”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: anak kau bisu takk?

“So when are you going to give him a sibling?”
What to say back: “Let’s see how things go with this one first.”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: kau tu, sebuk tanya org, pehal tanak beranak lagik?

“Oh, you’re just hormonal.”
What to say back: “No, actually, I’m not.”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: hormon otak kau! 

“So when are you due?”
What to say back: “I just had my baby, but when are you due? Maybe our kids will be in playgroup together.”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: sila check mata, tak pun terus wat operation mata, sbb aku rasa kau buta!

“Are you finally going to get your tubes tied?”
What to say back: “Are you finally going to get some manners?”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: tied ur own first. sume anak2 kau tak menjadik. sume merempit. baik kau tak yah ada anak.

“What’s its name?”
What to say back: “‘It’ is a person, just like you, and I’d prefer you address her that way!”
What I really wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut: kau igt dia anak kucing? 

kowang plak, amende ayat2 tak masuk akal pernah dilemparkan pada kowang?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Baca-baca Sikit

lebey kurang pukul 4-5pagi.

baby terjaga dan terus menangis. terkejut gamaknya.

mummy: syushh baby, mummy ada sebelah awak ni, daddy pun ada.
daddy: nape?
mummy: terkejut kot. die menangis.
daddy: ha, baca2 sket kat dia. baca ayat qursi ke.
mummy: allahumma bariklana fima roqaktana... eh, ni doa makan la plak.
daddy: hahahahahha mengong
mummy: errrrr

itula, kalo mamai.

bagos