Having Second

hamza is now 1.6yo. and still yet to walk on his own. still learning to overcome his fear of walking, i believe.

and yes, we are thinking of having second.

in fact, ever since hamza is 1yo, the thoughts have lingers in our mind. and we stop wearing all protections ever since. every time im a few days late, i will tell myself that yes, we are expecting.  and every time AF come knocking, i'd felt down. and somehow, i will then tell myself, stop being one crazy hormonal woman and just accept that Allah knows what best for me.

hah, i do sound like one mad woman eh?

and, i wanted a twins.
haha.
now, i DO sound like one mad woman. i admit.

and every time i feel down for having AF, this exact sentence will pop out in my mind
"stop being one cranky bitch just because u have ur menses! bulan depan, mesti twins!"

when i told others that i would wanted second, some would tell me that it is still early for me to have seconds; hamza need our undivided attention. and some, would say, way to go babe! its good for hamza to have friends.

not that im not thankful for hamza. i am thankful. im one lucky mother for having such handsome and good baby. and i believe that hamza will be a good brother. 

but again, kun fayakun. 

maybe He knows that i would not have the strength to manage more than one child, right now. 

maybe He knows that our financial is not stable enough for another child, right now.

for only He knows what best for us. 

and i, personally, will accept it. for yes, only He knows what best for us.

but hey, one could dream, yes?